Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Dear John,

**I know you guys are upset with me. Finals have been ridiculous and I'm ready to elevate the h*ll out of "higher" education. Anyway, I'm back with ammo, so sit back, relax, and enjoy.**

(via wikipedia)
A "Dear John letter" is a letter written to a husband or boyfriend to inform him their relationship is over, usually because the author has found another man. Dear John Letters are often written out of an inability or unwillingness to inform the man in person. The reverse situation, in which someone writes to their wife or girlfriend to break off the relationship, is referred to as a "Dear Jane letter".

I am woman. Not afraid to roar, dance, shout, and write. However, you seem to be afraid of anything I am comprised of. I'm a nerd. I collect journals, live in libraries and bookstores, and snuggle up in a Harry Potter blanket while painting. As if that's not bad enough, I've read the Koran, The Book of Mormon, The Kaballah, The Bible, and portions of other religious texts. Why you ask? Because I can. Because somewhere between three and four my mother placed a book in my hand with a little girl that looked like me on the cover and at that moment I knew, I could do anything I put my mind to. Yes, I know, I know, CLICHE.....however amongst materialism and superficiality, we've forgotten that the mind is the largest storage space invented. The locks and combinations our very mouths, we forget how good it feels to speak knowledgeable words to the unknowing. And John, my darling-sweet-dear, If you feel I'm going to give that up for you, you've lost your mind and I suggest you start a quest to find it.

I step out of the house on most weekdays around 3:15pm in slacks, a cardigan, and briefcase in hand and hop in my SUV towards the elementary school that I teach after-school curriculum in. On that six-block drive, blasting some empowering female with a booming voice, I wonder: Why the heck am I single, when I have it all together? I come to a red light, halt, and then your words replay in my mind. As I look down on my slacks fit for a job that pays way more hourly than yours, check my watch that I grabbed from the dresser in my very own apartment that you have yet to obtain, and put my foot on the pedal of a car you've never acquired, I remember your words:

"Erica, you intimidate me."

Of course, there's the rambling afterwards: "It's not you it's me." "I just don't have it together right now." "You've just got so much going on." "You won't have time for me."

But, after that first revelation, thats all i need to hear. John, I've been here before, gazing into your large brown eyes, holding the hand I thought I'd grasp forever, and hearing those dreadful words. You aren't the first and you most certainly won't be the last.

1)"It's not you, its me.":

YES John, IT IS YOU! And I'm so glad you're taking ownership. You, and most of your half of the species have dropped your morals and values along the timeline somewhere. You're absolutely annoyed when women (girls), ask what kind of car you drive, how much money you make, and what your goals in life are. However, when we aren't interested in that because we have our own, it offends you. Now I'm no advocate for emasculation, however, it's okay for us to hold the crown sometimes. You live in the dorms? I have an apartment? So what? Are we not striving for the same academic goal? Come over. Let me cook for you, lets watch a movie, and take a load off. Oh, what's that? You don't have a car yet? I'll come get you. Not enough money this week? Let me pay for the movie this time.

Say what John? I'm emasculating you! How so? No "REAL" answer.

Sometime after this conversation he will find a "weak" way out of your (relat)ionship. But we forget the meaning of the word, what's within the word. Relation, relate, equality, EQUALS. Ladies, do not lower your standards for his comfort zone. He must work on his own insecurities. Your only job is to be his equal and significantly his other. If you aren't in breach of such an understanding, his defensiveness is menial.

2) "I just don't have it together right now."

I understand that John, and that's quite alright. This is for the younger woman, college and early twenties. We MUST remember that these men are just starting out, just like we are. Please, stop expecting a millionaire. (I wouldn't even expect a thousand-aire. Lol.) A millioniare at 25 is 1 in a BILLION. However if we set aside the miners/gold diggers, you'll realize that women are usually very simple. A single rose, walks along the bridge, or an evening in the bookstore (hint-hint) is all it takes to melt most of our hearts. EASY. Don't be afraid that you don't have the "financial means" to take her out. Explain your situation and what you're doing to improve it, and if she's a good woman, she WILL understand.

3) "You've just got so much going on." "You won't have time for me."

Please John, if I didn't want you in my life or didn't want to make time for you, we wouldn't be here having this conversation. Stop telling me what I WILL have time for and worry about how you're going to sync your schedule with mine.

LADIES: This is a cop out. If a man wants to be with you, BELIEVE ME, he WILL always find a way. If you're feeling as though there's no initiative on his part, something is wrong. CALL HIM ON IT. Get the end of it. Don't waste precious moments that you could have shared with someone else.

Where was i going with this? Ahhh, yes....

John, for the last two months we've created a beautiful friendship. You make me laugh, keep a smile on my face, and I love having you around. However, it bothers you when I'm performing, instead of it making you proud. You're annoyed that I'm doing well in life when you should smile because of it. I've yet to see you acknowledge how beautiful of a creative hybrid I am, and it hurts. I'm walking away from my infatuation of you. Not because you refused to give me a title, but because you were afraid people would think you were less than you're counterpart. Not because your visits became less frequent the more you found out about me, and your intimidation grew. And not because I don't like you. It's because I'm cheating on you. With a man who appreciated every part of me, physically and emotionally. A man who is not afraid to lie with me and feel secure. A man who will walk side by side with me, slacks, briefcase, car, apartment, and creativity. John, I'm cheating on you with my FREEDOM.

And I'm quite alright with that, until someone SECURE comes along.




Anonymous said...

lovvveee it!!! :0)

Unknown said...

i love you because you remind me of me :)

Lyrik Marie said...


Cook.ThePoet. said...

I love ya blog. && this post is thr true. feelin it

An award is waiting for you on my page. Go claim it =]


Rice Pudding said...

I absolutely loved it and the story that you portrayed without it being long and drawn out. I like your writing style!

Michael DeAntonio said...

I enjoyed it. I'm commenting.

You're welcome.

June said...

I love it.

. said...

I love it!