Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Adaptive Dater

  1. There’s a tall light skin theatre brother that caught my eye, my freshman year of college, more than a few times. While auditioning for a play, he finally entered my personal space giving me the opportunity to stalk him. Wait, I mean say hello. We spoke at length during the audition and I discovered he was not single, boring as hell, and had a very awkward lisp. In no way am I superficial….much, but I decided we should just be friends.

After about a year of having weekly conversations with him and witnessing his slew of “girlfriends”, I realized he was a conformist.

Just in case you didn’t know: A conformist is a person who conforms, especially unquestioningly, to the usual practices or standards of a group, society, etc.

In this case, that “etc” was by almost every female he came across. During the spring he dated an earthy Rastafarian chick that was heavy into reggae music. The usually Ralph-Lauren-polo-boots-wearing brother started rocking Bob Marley tees, loading his Ipod with patois he didn’t understand, and growing his hair with intentions to lock it. When summer came he dated a model who was steadily building a portfolio. Suddenly his almost locked hair was cut all over again, his style became drastically fashionable, and he purchased a Nikon. The now photographer-almost dreaded-theatre dude was on a roll. By the fall/winter of that year he started a friends-with-benefits romp with a painter. Soon after, I caught his shadow lurking down the canvass aisle of Michael’s.

“Oh you’re here shopping for your girl? That’s sweet.”

He hesitated, “Actually, I thought I’d pick up a little painting myself. They do say I have a nice stroke.”

I rolled my eyes at his lame innuendo and kept it moving to the journal area. What I really wanted to ask this man while in that aisle was, “Who are you? Do YOU even know?”

Some of you may be thinking, “Wait Riv, maybe he’s just delving into his woman’s interests. That’s sweet, right?” WRONG. I like a brother that is confident and secure with his own hobbies and likes. If the man I dated started slowly and surely to add my interests to his already long Facebook profile, I’d be scared to death.

As you know I’m a performance poet and if Mr. Man started coming to slams and open mics to support.


If he was inspired by the shows and decided to pick up poetry.


But if everything I did became his entire world, I’d run like HELL.

These men do exist, and after hanging with theatre-photographer-model-artist-reggae-loving brother, I realized I had come across or knew more than one type of conformist. If you happen to know one of these, call them out: Ask them what interests them, aside from their adapted pastimes, and if they don’t have any or many, encourage them to find themselves. The only thing worse than a boring man, is one who has no clue who he is. In the words of Malcolm King, I’m just saying.



ArtManJayAMP said...

Dope. Very insightful Riv.

ArtManJayAMP said...

Dope. Very insightful Riv.

RBWS said...

Couldn't have been said any better. I know the feeling! Any woman/man like that is a danger to her/himself and others.

Unknown said...


Lyrik Marie said...

its not THAT bad Riv .. You could turn him out into a spoken-word, book-reading, barnes&noble visiting kinda dude .. lmfaoooo

He's weak work ..
Leave em alone!

Good shit Sis!

Pino 44 said...

"Don't ever forget the moment you began to doubt, transitioning from fitting in to standing out." - Aubrey Graham

Danielle Renee said...

hahaha! that's funny! "...They do say I have a nice stroke.” Who are you talking about in this one...do I know him? It's crazy because I have ran accross the "type" and I have never been able to put my finger on it. I usually call them "Yes Men". They think everything about you is the gospel and your life is soooo deap and only want to hear about what YOU are doing. They never disagree with your ideas and etc. THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOO BORING!!!! JUST PLAIN WACK!!!