Friday, November 18, 2011

24 Things I’ve Been Meaning to Say.

Well, it’s here. It’s finally arrived, the big 2-4. Okay, perhaps it’s not that big of a deal. However, the day before Thanksgiving, next week, I’ll be be twenty-four years old. I can’t believe it will only be one year until I celebrate a quarter of a century alive. Just yesterday I was throwing them back and falling asleep at the club.

Actually, that was three years ago at my 21st birthday extravaganza. Yesterday, I was enjoying steak and vegetables while catching up, with the boyfriend, on one of our favorite shows. Tonight we’ll probably enjoy Grimm with a shrimp pasta. Sounds quite boring huh?

Not really. The truth is, I’m old. You might be dying laughing in front of your computer screen. I saw that “hmph” you just spewed at me. Well, you don’t understand. When I left college, I grew tired of the relentless games and trials of youth and decided it was time to grow up.

You’re probably trying to process why a girl in her early twenties is developing middle-aged routines and a wine-aged outlook on life.

I’ll tell you why, twenty four times.

1) Clubs suck. I don’t know what does it for you ladies. Either you’re wasting money and purchasing drinks, just to get groped and confronted by unworthy men. Or you’re having drinks purchased for you by unworthy touchy-feely men. Whether you’re leaving with less cash, a one night stand or tarnished humility; you’re screwed.

2) Drama is no fun after 18. Sure, it was fun to call the other girl back in high school and have passionate arguments with your secondary ed. sweetheart. Now it’s disgusting. Drama at this age comes with harsh consequence.

3) Oh he’s your baby daddy? Oh, you’ve been seeing him on the side for seven months? Oh, you’re pregnant for him? You can have him sweety. No man is worth months of silent phone calls, busted windows, and a brokenhearted child.

4) You’re nothing but a credit score in this country. It seems to me that during the third decade, twenty-something year olds destroy their rental history, leave a slew of unpaid bills and take on any credit card possible.

5)I want to be totally financially secure when I’m thirty. Prada will always be here.

6) Diseases are real. I have tons of friends calling me to tell me about their sexual romps with John, Jack and Gabe. John from one week ago at the supermarket, Jack from last night’s lounge event and Gabe that just joined the church. Sorry, I’ll take the friends-first route.

7) Drunken girls get taken advantage of or get into accidents. One Corona please bartender.

8) *Vibration #25 while at the theater* Why is my phone going off like this? Shit. Someone is having an argument about their homegirl’s inappropriate pose on Facebook with their man. Why did I comment on this?

9) Reality shows are the furthest thing from reality. Well, except X-Factor.

10) I want grown up friends. Grown up friends with common sense, intellectual conversation and jobs.

11) Hopefully this will keep WorldStar Hip-hop, Zane book reviews, and porn spam off of my Facebook mini-feed.

12) Wine and cheese is better than stale hot wings and beer from the bottom of a rusted keg.

13) I’m just sayin.

14) Diseases are real. Pap smear, pap smear, pap smear.

15) I like lattes and writing at Barnes & Noble. Sue me.

16) I met my future husband at Barnes & Noble. I predicted this. I repeat, I did not meet him at the club.

17) Starbucks is inside of ALL Barnes & Nobles’. I’m just saying.

18) I really like Barnes & Noble. Could you tell?

19) I love real love. Like soothing warm, in your arms, I just wanna cook, marry and procreate with you love. Damn.

20) My planner is my God. At-A-Glance Refills are my Jesus.

21) Well, not on Sundays.

22) I’m happy. I know what I like.

23) I’ve been performing, traveling and bugging with my girls for the last five years. I crammed two decades into college. I went to an HBCU. Nuff’ said.

24) That being said, I’m about the reverse of this number in Riv years.


This year, I look forward to a cozy Italian dinner with family and friends. I’ll probably cop that book I’ve been meaning to get. I’ll tweet, “It’s my birthday fool!” I’ll sleep in longer. On the weekend of course. I’m a teacher, so I’ll be at the blackboard on my actual born day. I’ll hug my little cousins and thank them for inspiring the force I am. I’ll kiss my man and tell him he’s made this year an amazing one. I’ll even finish that last round of book edits for the publisher.

I’ve got twenty-four plus reasons for simplicity.

Bring it on.




Bradford J. Howard said...

This was funny but honest. And yes... Barnes & Noble eclipses the club ALL damn day.

Happy early Birthday!

Christielove said...

Aww I love this.
Its a blessing to take on years of knowledge and not throw it away.

Veronica said...

Happy (upcoming) you were almost a Scorp aye? LOL!

What a great list and I agree except ...I met my man in the club but it was purely on accident, out of someone else causing trouble and he came to my rescue. LOL! I'll have to tell our story later.

When I turned 24, i realized alot of things. Especially about the drama. It was something that clicked inside of me that "didn't have time" for it anymore. Another story in itself.

Good luck in all you plan to achieve in the coming year! Here's to you.

Ciara said...

Happy Birthday Riv! This was great! Here's to simplicity!

riva. said...

@Bradford Haha. We should call it club Barnes & Noble. Partayyyy for literary geeks.

@Christie & Ciara Thank you love. :)

@Veronica Well I guess it works out for some folks! I'd love to hear that story sometime. Thanks for the love. :)

Candace said...

It's refreshing to see your honesty... well written in with humor. You had me laughing out loud. Definitely love your blog and I've only been through one post. Following ;)

riva. said...

Thank you Candace! I look forward to your visits. Do you have a blog? I'd love to read. :)

Unknown said...

LOL...absolutely love your blog!!! seriously LOVE.

PS. Thx for your comment on my blog and I would love to follow each other if you like. Hope to hear from you soon.

<3 Marina