Thursday, June 5, 2014

The Peculiarities of Date Prep

I’m going on dates again. You’d think that this is something that’s been ongoing considering the dating series, however most of that jazz happened in 2013. I’ve actually just been really career-focused in these last few months. Now, I’m back on it.

& I must say…I hate date prep.

Now, for all of you hair-tied-sweat-pants-no-makeup promoters…you can exit this blog post, because you’re probably not going to be all that interested. However, many of my gals do get ready for dates, sometimes days in advance, and I know there are quite a few sisters who’ll feel me on this.


Sigh. I know there’s a variety of these things and “spanx” is technically just one of the name-brands, however I’m referring to all of the pull-them-up-can’t-breathe contraptions. You can’t try underwear on. Clearly. It’s a struggle to find the right one, because of this. These things are trial and error. Sometimes the elasticity is too much or not enough.  Other times, they just decide to roll down on your love handles when they’re supposed to be on the job. You sat down Susie-curvaceous and now you’re up and suddenly you’re Kristina-Krispy-Kreme.

Let’s say you do find the right one. Hugs perfectly, you can breathe, and you’re on date number we’re-about-to-get-it-on. In the moment? No, you can’t be. Because you’ve got to figure out a way to get this thing off, so that it isn’t perceived as a chastity belt or ninja suit. Hi-ya.

Shaving Your Legs

I’m a tomboy. If my legs aren’t coming out, I’m not big on this. Usually I decide on pants, but at the last minute I’m never satisfied with my choice. After several pieces of clothes are thrown on the bed, I’ll conclude on a dress. Shoot. 20 minutes left and my legs aren’t shaved. Cue: Jump in the shower, put that shaving cream on, and swipe quickly, ouch, ouch, ouch. 3 nicks and one is bleeding. Doorbell.

Let’s Go Dancing

Say what? You had to be the one to take it to the classic chick flick level. Out of all the movies, promenade, and dinner brothers…you’re the unique one? I’m not complaining. I just don’t think I’m ready. I also don’t want to be the girl who told you no after you made the effort to try and be different.

Googled the club he suggested. We’re going on a Sunday and according to the club website…it’s Latin Jazz Sundays. Yikes. Dance class referrals anyone?

The Last Minute

Ever date a brother who’s in town for a split second or has a great thing for you to do, that he just found out about. Yeah, me too.

I’ve done miraculous things with stale box braids and made my 9-5 running-after-students musk something damn near sexy. Shhhhh.

The Change of Plans

He said stroll in the park and suddenly you’re going to paintball. I was on my way to the train, when I realized that I had to pair my fabulous romper with a quick and ugly sneaker purchase from the closest Payless. Let’s just say…the two didn’t compliment each other and I came home in serious pain.

Your Car Is Too Small

There is no way you can be ready for this. I’m half an inch away from being 6 feet, with extremely long legs, and I hate getting picked up in small sports cars.

Oh. Why can’t I get up, to go into the restaurant? Cramps sir. Leg cramps.

The Conversation Starter

I’m really good at conversing, but sometimes I find myself intimidated by men in really complicated fields. I always think about something gnarly that’ll show my interest in their passion. Sometimes this works and sometimes it’s terrible.

I’m pretty sure I offended an architect with my guffawing at the Highline’s design.

It’s a renovated train track.
Yeah, but the aesthetic is incredible.
They just planted some flowers.
It’s still….
Please don’t offend my work.

Okay, maybe he was just a jerk.

I’m not in the mood to list all of the different preparatory things that happen, before dates. (Perhaps I’m just embarrassed.)

Now that I think of it, my best dates had little to no preparation. I spent all day in Philly, on a date, and all the glam that I’d done started to unravel after a few hours. Lip gloss faded, hair down, and flats replaced heels. At the end of the day, while I was nervous about not being able to get to a bathroom and freshen up, he told me how gorgeous I was. Well, well.

Yeah, incredible moment, but it doesn’t mean that preparation isn’t wired within me and it isn’t going to happen. Sounded nice to end off with though, right?

What do you do in preparation, for a date?


Unknown said...
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Kricel said...

I just went on a first date the other night, and I can totally relate. It's a process from finding the right outfit. I know I had several ideas, from wearing jeans with a nice blouse, or a dress. Then taking pictures to share with my girlfriends for their opinion. I just want to say great article!

Unknown said...

Wash my hair, spend 20 minutes styling it only to hate it and put it in a messy bun or risk wearing it down and looking like a wet lion, Throw some make up on and battle within myself on if I want to look "natural" or "glam", shave my legs (one of my most hated parts of prepping), send pictures to my bestfriend to see if I look okay, call my mom for a pep talk, wish I didn't drink that soda earlier because I'm bloated and I don't think spanx come in my size, and then decide if I want my heels to be cute of comfy. Final step is debating on lipstick vs lip stain (depending on how much smooching I anticipate happening), and I usually just go with chap stick and call it a day.