Wednesday, September 23, 2015

15 Ways To Know You're A True Hampton University Alumni (& Stories)

Homecoming is right around the corner. A friend of mine, that I didn't meet until senior year, called to ask about my plans and we started reminiscing. I found it interesting that we shared so many experiences post graduation and I just know others do too.

After a few texts and calls...I realized I was right. are fifteen surefire ways to know that you're a true Hampton University alumni:

1) You've spotted one of your classmates in Black Enterprise. 

Don't front, you leaped out of your chair during that doctor's visit, the only place you sit still to read magazines, because you recognized Justin, in an ad, or someone from HU talking about their latest endeavor. You did the cabbage patch, center waiting room, with folks who have insurance and common sense watching you and wondering if you missed the therapist's office.

"Do you know who that is?"
"That's my homie!"
"HU is always doing big things!"

Because much like Taraji, Kerry, and Viola, we know that when one of us wins, we all win.

2) You rep your freshman dorm harder than your bloodline. 

It gets real specific. Like, realllll specific. Folks will have gone on to pledge greek and academic organizations, start their own companies, and revitalize their brand, and still yell at the top of their lungs:


I remember very confusing and heated conversations that occurred in the freshman lobby, when the pre-college girls would hear their first dorm being trashed and had no choice but to claim the one they'd been assigned in September.

3) You've had to correct Howard folks when they start with their annoying rant of prestigious alumni and exclamation of how we were once an institute.

Excuse me, I need to sip some tea before I go any further.

Jetuan, the queen of shade above, and founder of Hamptonians Who Brunch is having an awesome one during homecoming. Peep.

4) You've had to explain to an interviewer how "horseback riding" made it on your resume.

Listen, Linda, listen, we all tried Equestrian or know someone who did. Either you dropped out of that class halfway through or you added it to your business management resume. I fell off of my horse the third class in, so you know Whipple Barn saw me soon after. That horse never did like me.

5) You reassessed the tuition breakdown and realized you were paying for gym, bowling alley, and movie theater usage.

I wasted that money. I know you did too. I watched "Shottas" in the movie theatre the one time Caribbean Pre-Alumni showed it, I used the bowling alley for a bowling class (that I also dropped out of), and I gained the freshman fifteen, sophomore twenty, junior thirty-five, and senior damn-I've-got-to-hit-the-gym-when-I-get-back-to-NYC.

6) You're a master BS chef, because "Gourmet Services" put you to work. 

In the words of Jess Moore, current Social Media Strategist at the New York Times *cough*, you had to get creative. "Inventions with cafeteria food stretched the bounds of your ingenuity. Think of all the amazing things we did with rotisserie chicken."


See, this is why I'm fat...

7) You have amazing calves because you turned into Usain Bolt at curfew.

Yup, we had a curfew. I'm not ashamed. I was annoyed at first, but then I realized that my debauchery would've started wayyyy earlier in the game. Not that there was much of it.


8) You can jump, hop, and skip over any animal you did not want contact with. 
CC: Water rats. 

If you've never had a confrontation with one of these suckers by the estuary in front of our dorms, you're not a G. I was out there with a few of my friends, when one straight rolled up on us. We thought it was a cat. That's how big these things are. Master Splinter joints. I somersaulted over my homegirl's fresh Remy and made a beeline for the church.


9) You realize that you can't act up, because we are literally everywhere and our network is SCROOOONG. 

I cannot go anywhere without seeing y'all.

I'm in the supermarket.
Did you to HU?
I'm walking in Georgetown in DC.
Did you go to HU?
I'm on a trip to Jamaica, WI.
Did you go to HU, mon?
I'm in an igloo in Antartica.
Did you go to HU, brrrr? Gucci!

10) You're convinced of all the myths and have stories to prove them.

We could have had a hurricane, tornado, and mudslide all wrapped up into one on a Wednesday, but if there was Parent's Weekend or Homecoming on the was going to be nice. Someone who was not a believer would look at their unreliable iOs app and tell you that it was going to be horrible that day and you knew what was up if you were/are a believer. I present to you Harvey's weather machine...

11) A lot of the memories you have occurred during the 12-2pm.

I tried to avoid having classes in MLK. The elective would say MLK and I'd be like: NAWL. I would have to walk through the fiesta of strolling greeks and folks you haven't seen in a while and deal with DeJohnette calling me out, for being late. 

*sips tea again* 

12) You stand out. 

Remember how we had to introduce ourselves with our name, year, major, and blood type? I do that every time I'm in major meetings and I also dress like I'm going to Ogden Hall quite often. Not too shabby, these days. 

13) Your parents will NOT let you forget about their assistance with tuition. 

My dad often uses commentary about tuition when he wants something or to just harass me. If I offer to do to do graphic work for his business, he'll say, "That's a good idea, let's put all that tuition I paid to work."

14) You feel like you're a part of a HUGE family. 

We come together in crisis. Prayer conference-calls, job hookups, picnics, and girl-do-you-need-a-hug...we're always there for one another. 

15) You glow, glimmer, shine. Melanin. Melanin. Melanin. 

Nuff said. 

See you soon, HU!


Jess Moore said...

This is everything. Miss these days.

Focused said...

wow... pretty much none of these things apply to me. this confirms what i have thought about so much post graduation: i really didn't belong at hampton.